


In A Heartbeat

by AngelicAnimal



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28796265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelicAnimal/pseuds/AngelicAnimal
Summary: While having a moment with Chloe,  her words make Lucifer realize the price of loving a mortal, which leads him to face one of his biggest fears.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, God & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 205
Collections: already read





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Fer and Lea ❤  
> You both always give me the push I need to share my stories, and I'm so grateful for our friendships.

Chloe’s head was cradled against Lucifer’s shoulder, her eyes closed in contentment as the heat of his body seeped into her and the pull of sleep nudged against the fabric of her mind.

His long fingers were threaded through hers, and he had pulled them to his mouth so he could run his lips along her fingertips, making sure to kiss each and every one multiple times. 

“Mmm” she mumbled, her mind barely able to grasp words, “it tickles--” 

“Is that so?” Lucifer teased, grinning wickedly before he took her pointer finger into his mouth and ran the edge of his teeth along it, leaving a wet trail behind as he traced a path with his tongue. 

“You taste absolutely divine Darling” he purred as he ignored the irony behind his words, moving onto her knuckles so as not to make them feel left out before continuing his travels across her hand. 

Her eyes fluttered open when his mouth reached the pad of her thumb, not able to help the hum that bubbled from her mouth as he nipped at it. 

His brow arched up in delight when she tilted her chin up to him, her ocean eyes locked on his as she slowly licked her own tongue along her full and delectable lips knowing exactly the reaction she would receive. 

Lucifer took advantage of the angle and dropped his mouth to the corner of her own, his tongue shooting out to trace the same pathway she had taken only seconds ago.

“I love you” 

The words tumbled out of her mouth so easily and so quickly that he barely had time to think before her hand was on his face pulling him in for a deeper kiss. 

The hunger between them danced like a wild flame, the infernal blaze rampaging in every touch, every kiss , every cry that ignited from their passion.

Chloe moaned into his mouth as his fingers played her as easily as his piano, every stroke deliberate and precise as they performed a symphony across her naked skin. 

Her breath hitched in her throat as his mouth skimmed along the curve of her neck before settling into the soft intersection of muscle and tissue that connected her upper back all together. 

They had both had a rough day, and Lucifer could easily feel the knots just under the surface.

His hand swiftly replaced his mouth, prodding at the tender area with his thumb to work out the tension, as he reconnected his lips to hers for another brief kiss.

Lucifer had never in his thousands of years felt so connected to someone before, and the joy that bubbled up within him as she melted against his body was something almost indescribable. 

“Can we just stay like this forever?” Chloe mumbled blissfully as she poked her nose into his chest and peppered tiny kisses along his skin. 

For a moment, Lucifer didn’t respond, the word forever tugging at his mind with a feeling he couldn’t quite understand. Especially considering he couldn’t imagine  _ not _ having Chloe in his life anymore. 

She was here and she loved him. She had told him so. So what was it about that word that had him stuck?

As though she knew instinctively that he needed it, Chloe swept her nimble fingers down his ribcage and over his abs as she settled a heavy arm across him, his first indication that sleep was winning the battle raging within her but needed his warmth to fully fall under. 

He smiled and pressed his lips against her forehead while running a finger along her arm, cooing her into a contented sleep. 

“Sleep Darling,” Lucifer crooned, as he snuggled in closer to her, “We always have tomorrow”

* * *

Hours had passed since Chloe had fallen asleep in his arms, and Lucifer still couldn’t shake the uneasiness he had been feeling. 

_ Can we just stay like this forever? _

Chloe’s question skirted the corners of his brain, pulling him in directions he didn’t want to think about. Forever to him was a very long time, but to a human, to Chloe, it was only a certain number of years. Nothing was guaranteed in this world. Especially not that of a human life.

She would die one day. And he wouldn’t. And even though he knew she would go to Heaven, it was the one place he wasn’t allowed to follow.

The gut wrenching realization that he couldn’t promise her forever crushed against his heart, and made him hurt in a way that he never thought was possible before. 

It wasn’t Chloe that had to worry. Her forever was a short frame of time, a miniscule moment carried on the breeze and whisked away in the blink of an eye.

But Lucifer was immortal, and the thought of living a life without Chloe by his side was enough to break him. 

He had to do something. He wasn’t ready to lose her. Not when he had only just found her.

She stirred in his arms as his thoughts drifted, a soft moan rolling from her plush lips as she curled her fingers against him, pinching at the skin just over his hip. 

His eyes trailed over her body, lifting and falling with each curve of flesh as her chest rumbled with a loud snore and her body twisted away from him. 

The scar on her shoulder peeked out from underneath the golden hair framing her beautiful face. It called to him like the song of a siren, the seductive trill pirouetting its way along his body as he pivoted closer to her. 

He brushed the wild strands out of the way so he could lean in and softly kiss the small ragged blemish over and over again until smooth hands cupped against his cheeks and bright blue eyes stared into his.

The concern in her eyes wasn’t hard to decipher and he chuckled. “I’m sorry Detective. I didn’t mean to wake you”

She tucked her bottom lip under her teeth and stared up at him, taking a moment before speaking. “Is everything ok?” 

Lucifer sucked in an audible breath, knowing he wouldn’t lie to her so instead chose to lean his cheek against her shoulder, taking care not to hurt her in any way. 

Chloe’s chest vibrated with a heavy sigh, a million things being left unsaid as she pressed sleepy lips to the top of his head. “Whatever it is Lucifer” she whispered, “We’ll get through it together. I know we will”

* * *

Lucifer unfurled his wings in preparation for what he had to do. 

Human forever wasn’t enough for him. And maybe it was selfish but Chloe made him a better man. Her dying didn't fit his narrative. 

He thought about it as the moon fell and the sun rose. He thought about it as Chloe’s soft morning noises rolled from her lips, and her body curled itself over his, nestling in as she woke up to his hands caressing her arm.

He had made up his mind last night as he held her close and whispered promises into her ear. Promises he had no plans on breaking. Because with Chloe, he didn't make deals. 

Deals were nothing more than cheap words and meaningless actions, but promises held forevers. And forever was all he ever wanted now.

It was difficult saying goodbye to her that morning, because she could tell as soon as she looked into his eyes that something was wrong. But he had assured her he would see her later, and that there was something important he had to do. He asked her to trust him, and then he kissed her. He didn’t mean for the kiss to leave her breathless, but in the end it did, and he couldn’t help but trace the pink blush along her cheek with his fingertip, before leaning in one more time and planting a soft kiss on the tip of her nose. 

“You’re coming back to me right?” The fear in her eyes was clear enough to see. She thought he was running away from her again. 

“Always Darling” he purred, hoping the love he felt would seep through his words like honey. 

And she had nodded, but her actions were heavy and thick, which told him everything she was too scared to say. 

“I am yours until you order me away Chloe” He knew using her name would get her attention, and it did. 

A soft smile tugged at her lips, and she pulled him in for a hug, her arms sliding around his waist and locking together. “So forever then” she murmured, and the word slipping from her lips made his heart ache once again.

Lucifer shook his head, slashing at the thoughts with nimble fingers until they were nothing but wisps of smoke curling around him. 

His large white wings gleamed in the sunlight as he stretched them out in preparation for flight, and he sucked in a breath before he closed his eyes. 

Flying was as easy as a thought passing through your mind. The wings were extensions of the light that all angels possessed within them, a source of divinity that separated the immortal from the mortal. The graced from the fallen. The pure from the evil. 

When Lucifer had his wings cut down, it was a statement to himself that he was no longer the Lightbringer. He was not grace, or beauty. 

He was fallen. Evil. Unworthy.

And he was ok with that, because he never wanted to go back. He had no reason to go back. 

Until now. 

He chugged the last drop of liquid from the glass he had tipped to his lips before allowing it to drop from his hands, the shards of glass clattering against the ground as he took flight.

His thoughts called to the Silver City, begging anyone who could hear him. His prayers were frantic and messy, filled with conflicting emotions, love and hatred, contempt and hope, but most of all fear smothered in an icing of sadness. 

“ _ Hello my son,”  _ the familiar voice bounced off the walls of his mind, invading every crevice with a divinity that Lucifer had long forgotten.

This wasn’t the voice he was expecting to hear, and his balance faltered. Lucifer’s wings froze as his breath caught in his throat, and he stumbled back as he flailed his arms to grab hold of anything solid. 

“No no no” he cried as tears streamed down his cheeks and he grabbed his head in protest. 

_ “Open your eyes Samael” _

“That’s not who I am anymore!” Lucifer snapped back, but found himself opening his eyes anyways. 

His father stood in front of him, a smile on his face as though he was happy to see Lucifer. As though he hadn’t cast his son out in a fit of rage and fury all those years ago. 

_ “You will always be Samael here son” _

Lucifer snarled as he snapped his teeth. His anger stuck to him like tar, reaching down his throat until he was choking on it. His wings shimmered as he sucked in deep heavy breaths, furling and unfurling with each release of his lungs. Lucifer bit down on his tongue, knowing it wouldn’t draw blood here, but praying to feel the physical pain anyways. 

_ “You wish to feel physical pain Samael?”  _

Lucifer slammed his hands to his ears before clawing his nails down his cheeks. “This was a mistake”

His voice wavered into a high pitched screech as tremors rumbled through his body.

“This was a mistake” he cried again, not even attempting to hide the pain. “I can’t-- I--”

_ You came here to ask me something Samael. So do it.  _

Chloe. 

Lucifer focused on her name. He rolled it over his tongue, sucking in each syllable, tasting the sweetness of her love as he repeated it over and over again. Chloe, Chloe, Chloe

He dropped his hands from his head, and kept them curled at his side. Fists ready to fight if he needed. He didn’t feel safe here. Not anymore. This wasn’t his home. 

Chloe. 

He repeated her name again. That was where home was. 

All his thoughts, all his plans, every question he wanted to ask now sat at the tip of his tongue. 

There were other things he wanted to ask. He needed to ask. 

“Why?” He finally managed to say out loud in a voice that sounded nothing like his usual booming tone. Instead, he was soft and small and shaky as he stood in front of his father, begging him to answer a question that probably weighed more than the world itself.

He didn’t need to explain. God didn’t need an explanation. But Lucifer still had things to say, words to express, questions to ask.

“Why did you create her? What was the purpose? Why?” His voice deepened, and every word grew longer and longer as he asked, until finally the last why was so drawn out, it was almost a whine like that of a toddler. 

_ “Are you not happy my son?” _

“What? No! That’s not it. I just--” Lucifer sighed as he dropped his head. “Why would you create her only to take her away from me?”

Lucifer fell to his knees. “Was this an elaborate plan to hurt me? To punish me? Why would you make me fall in l--” but he couldn’t say it, not even now. Saying it only meant more pain. Saying it meant admitting that his Dad had finally broken him. 

But without Chloe, he was already broken, wasn’t he? 

And yet he still couldn’t say it. Not here. Not to him. Not for the first time.

_ “Samael” _

“MY NAME IS LUCIFER!” he screamed as he pounded his fists against his knees, “LUCIFER!”

_ “Chloe wasn’t made to hurt you son. She wasn’t created as a form of punishment.” _

“Then why?”

_ “Because you prayed for her” _

“I--” Lucifer stumbled, completely lost in his Father’s words. “But-- you were listening?”

_ “I’m always listening” _

“But you let me kill Uriel. You let Mum hurt the doctor. You sent Amenadiel to kill me! And you didn’t do anything.. You let me fall.. You kicked me out.. You all abandoned me, and then you sent me a gift? Like it was supposed to make up for all the pain? I don’t understand!”

“And then--” Lucifer continued, “You make her mortal-- knowing, KNOWING” he repeated, “that she would die one day, and I wouldn’t be able to follow her… and that’s---that’s” his voice started to break, “that’s the cruelest punishment of all”

Lucifer’s eyes opened wide as understanding flashed over his face. “That’s what this is about isn’t it? This is my real punishment for disobeying you. For going against you. For walking away from Hell-- you knew how I would feel about her--you knew--”

_ “Tell me Son, if you could choose to make her immortal, choose to have her spend eternity on earth with you, would you be happy?” _

“YES!” Lucifer screamed at first, but the word felt off in his mouth. His chest was tight and his tongue felt numb. “No” he finally added, casting his eyes down towards his feet. 

“The Detect--Chloe-- she would never--not without the urchin-- she has--” but Lucifer was lost. 

“She would never” He finally admitted defeat. “She’s too selfless. She would never be able to watch her friends and family die all around her.. It would make her resent me, and I-- I couldn’t do that to her. I won’t take away her choice”

_ “I could make you both forget, if that’s what you would prefer. You could both go your separate ways, no harm done.” _

“I--I can’t.. I won’t. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me. She makes me better. Happier. Loved.”

“ _ What about her choice? Would she choose to forget? Would she walk away from you knowing she had that option?” _

“I--I don’t know.” Lucifer sighed. “I want to think that I make her happy too.”

_ “Would you give her that choice?” _

Lucifer snapped his teeth together as the question pierced his heart. 

Would he give her that choice? Would she take it? 

He had made her life more difficult since entering it. And he had hurt her so many times already.

Was she better off without him?

“Yes” he finally admitted. “I would.”

_ “What if she chose immortality?” _

“I don’t know,” Lucifer felt defeated. He had thought he had everything sorted out, but he had come to realize that everything he thought of was only for his own selfish reasons, and not what was best for Chloe.

_ “But you refuse to choose for her, even if it means your own suffering?“ _

“Yes”

_ “What would you have me do then Son?” _

Lucifer looked around. Everything shimmered with iridescence here. It was peaceful, and happy and quiet. 

And yet it felt cold, and empty, and dull. 

Lucifer stretched his wings out as thoughts rolled through his mind like a thunderstorm, snapping and bending through memories of his past. The fall from The Silver City. The subsequent years in Hell, torturing souls with their own guilt. The decision to cut his wings off, and how it made him feel free. He thought about when he opened LUX and how he surrounded himself with people who didn’t care who he was as long as he made their desires come true. 

He didn’t have friends, but he didn’t care. It was him and Maze. And he wasn’t The Devil. 

He was Lucifer Morningstar. Not Samael. Not God’s son. Not the Lightbringer. Just Lucifer.

And then he thought of Chloe, and his wings started to glow. 

He thought about the first time he met her, and the first time she laughed. 

He thought about the first time she touched him. It was soft, and electric, and nothing he had ever felt before.

His eyes marvelled at the reflections of rainbows that bounced off each individual feather as he thought about how she smelled as she laid in his arms, and how her eyes would make him feel like he was the only one in the room, and her smile-- her smile made his wings vibrate with pleasure.

“I was wrong for coming here. I need to go back-- I shouldn’t be here”

_ “You question why I made her, why I put her in your path--and yet you won’t put your own desires above her own-- why?” _

Lucifer just shook his head. 

Time bled together before she existed. Reality bled into fantasy, life fell into death, the parties never stopped, and the fun became predictable. 

Nothing mattered to him. He had shut himself off that night on the beach a long time ago. And he had vowed to never allow anyone to hurt him ever again. But he didn’t know her then. He hadn’t met her yet. 

“Because she’s special” 

He repeated the lines he had said to her the first time they had kissed. He didn’t understand why she did what she did back then. But he knew he had never felt happier in his entire life.

Their love was real. More real than anything he had ever known. And he would fall from Heaven a million times over if it meant meeting her again and again.

_ “Then tell me why you are here” _

“Because I was being selfish.” He said truthfully. “I thought I wanted something but, I-- I didn’t think about how it would affect her.”

_ “So you are now okay with her mortal life span and the amount of time you will have together?” _

Lucifer ran his tongue along his lower lip before he softly smiled. “No. I will always want more time with her. But if a fraction of eternity is all I ever get--” He released a deep breath as his shoulders sagged and his wings drooped. “A life without her isn’t a life at all. And when she comes here, then I suppose we will be having another discussion”

Lucifer’s wings prepared for flight, having said all he had to say. 

_ “What if I made you mortal?” _

The question stopped Lucifer in his tracks. He turned to look at his Father with shock in his eyes. 

_ “Would you give everything up for her?” _

“In a heartbeat”

_ "And what if you're only guaranteed a few years? Will you still feel this way?" _

Lucifer didn't even have to think about it. Being mortal meant living a normal life with Chloe. And his friends. 

"Whether we have ten minutes or ten years, every second spent with her is worth more than every feather on my back. I would rather die a mortal death with the knowledge that I would go to Hell, then live an immortal life without her."

_ "But you would be stuck, and there would be no going back" _

Lucifer nodded. "I know. But it would be worth it. She is worth it"

And then he flew off without waiting for a response, because he had been away from her for too long. 

And he needed to go home to her, to Chloe.

Back to the only home he had ever known.

* * *

_ “Are you going to do it?” Gabriel asked his Father. “Make him mortal?” _

_ God turned to look at his son with pride.  _

_ “He chose the love of another over his own desires and his own fears. He was willing to sacrifice everything for her. He is not the same angel we once knew Gabriel” _

_ “Is that the reason for this miracle then? To prove a point?” _

_ God only shrugged. “He wanted free will. So I gave it to him. Chloe was never his. She was simply made to see the truth, rather than the desire. Do you not see Gabriel? They chose each other. Freely.” _

_ “So what are you going to do?” _

_ “I’m going to let them live, my son. I’m going to let them live” _


	2. And Then Some

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer and Chloe talk after his visit with his Father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed closure after the previous conversation, and Chloe and Lucifer needed this conversation.

* * *

“Lucifer?” 

Chloe’s voice rang out through the penthouse as she stepped off the elevator and into the darkness. There was an ache behind it that she wasn’t quite able to hide anymore. 

“Are you here?”

Her eyes searched for the familiarity as they swept over the dark blanket of night that laid heavily throughout the place. She hadn’t seen Lucifer all day, and he hadn’t answered his phone. Fears she once thought were buried, reared their ugly heads again, and tears collected in her long lashes the entire drive over. 

Finally, she caught sight of him outside, leaning over the railing of the balcony, a crystal tumbler full of amber liquid gripped firmly in his hand. 

And even as her heart thumped heavily in her chest at the mere sight of him, the fear inside still clawed at her with icy hot talons.

He remained quiet as she slowly made her way to him, not even the sound of her footsteps clinking against the penthouse floor enough to rouse him out of his thoughts. 

She lifted a hand to his back, hesitating momentarily before allowing her fingers to brush ever so slightly over his shoulder blade. She wanted to press her face against him and bury her nose into the softness of his suit jacket, because his very scent was always enough to help soothe her nerves, but right now, in this moment, she wasn’t sure he wanted her touch, or her proximity.

He always had this way of closing off when he was going through something, and as much as she wished he would open up to her, sometimes she wasn’t sure if him holding back was more for her sake than his. His world was so much bigger than hers, and also much more complicated.

Chloe’s fears were snuffed out as quickly as a match when Lucifer turned to her and silently wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest. She buried her nose against him, keeping her eyes closed as she sucked in his musky scent, finally feeling a small morsel of contentment. 

His heart thumped wildly against her ear, while his fingers poured through her hair that cascaded over her back like a waterfall. The sound was deafening, frantic, but still the most tranquil noise in her mind. He smothered his face against the top of her head, and inhaled her scent as it wrapped around him, tickling him with long tendrils of familiarity.

“Are you ok?” 

A soft chuckle escaped Chloe’s lips as his question settled into the small space between them. Here she was thinking she was consoling him, and he asks  _ her _ if she’s ok--

She lifted her head from his chest and cupped his face with her fingers, softly stroking the dark shadow of stubble that peppered his jaw. 

“I was going to ask you the same thing Lucifer” she murmured, not unaware of the tight arch of his brow as she ran soothing fingers over his ear and twisted them into his hair. 

The hiccup in his movements told Chloe all she needed to know. He was hurting. 

The old Lucifer would have probably turned away from her as he cracked a joke about meaningless sex, or the lack of feelings, but this Lucifer, _ her Lucifer,  _ anchored himself even tighter to her body, the need to be close to her stronger than any divine weakness.

She didn’t pry him for answers. That never worked for him. She learned that the best way for Lucifer to open up to her, was to be there for him, to show him that her love wasn’t based on conditions. That no matter what new thought was sinking its claws into his mind, she loved him, and he could count on that. She eased the glass from his hand and set it down on the ledge. 

She pushed herself up onto her toes so she could press her lips softly against his, letting all the fear she had balled up in her chest fizzle out as his fingers slid down the curve of her neck, soft and smooth before settling his large palm in between her shoulder blades, his fingers spread out like wings along her small frame. 

His other hand fell to cup her hip, his touch scorching hot even through the layers she currently had on. 

His breath tasted of whiskey against her tongue as she licked along the inside of his mouth before she pulled away from him, sucking her bottom lip under her teeth to savor his unique flavor.

His eyes were normally dark pools of desire after a kiss like that, but tonight she only saw sadness, making the ache in her gut shred open without any sort of mercy.

"Lucifer-" but he cut her off with another kiss, only this time there was something else behind it. A panicked desperation that trembled throughout his entire body. 

His need for her went beyond love. She was the air his lungs craved, the very breath of life itself. The start and end of everything. The light and the dark. 

His desire for her spanned thousands and thousands of years stuck in an ashy hell scape that sang the songs of torment, until everything crumbled beneath him with nothing but the strings she puppeteered holding him up. 

She curled her fingers into the collar of his shirt, holding him there as though he would disintegrate into dust right in front of her. “Talk to me please” she whined against the lips that slashed at her mouth, hard and fast, aching and anguished without a chance to catch the breath that bubbled at the back of her throat. 

Fire licked at her blood as she ignored the burning in her lungs, his despair blissfully suffocating her without protest. She dragged smooth nails down his cheek, engraving his skin with crescent moons along a sharp jawline. 

His hand jerked her hip into his pelvis, his fingers dipping just under the waistband of her pants, searching for redemption against whatever held him in this gripped chokehold. 

She slipped her hand down to his chest, fingering the buttons of the shirt that strained to stay closed against his frenzied passion, before flattening her palm over his heart and tapping against it. 

With a fevered growl, he reluctantly peeled his hands from her body and pushed himself away from her. The sudden frost that crackled between them blasted her mercilessly, and she found herself mindlessly reaching her hand out to pull him back in, aching to regain the heat he usually offered. But the hesitated sigh that rumbled from his throat had her recoiling her arm quickly, choosing to anchor it across her chest instead. 

Silence loomed between them as they stood only an arm's width apart. Chloe struggled to breath short jagged gasps of air as spasms rocketed her lungs with fear. 

“Do you--” Lucifer choked on his words, his lips growing taut. He looked like he was drowning, clawing his way to the surface for air while his body stiffened in fear. He caught her eye before twisting himself away from her to grab his glass and head inside. 

She followed and silently watched as he poured himself another glass of whiskey only to slam it back just as quickly. She kept her distance, waiting for him to say something, anything. 

After two more drinks, he finally turned back to her, his face pale as a ghost, and his lips trembling in a way that Chloe had never seen before. There was a storm behind his eyes, a torrent of waves drowning the love she had seen in them just this morning. 

“Do you want me to leave?” 

She didn’t want to, but her presence felt like she was shoving red hot coals down his throat and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold back her tears.

He shook his head as he cut the space between them. His mouth opened momentarily to speak, before it snapped shut again, his teeth clicking so hard the sound echoed throughout the room. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he sucked in another deep breath. “Do you regret--” he waved his arms in front of him, “this-- us” 

“What?” She could barely believe the words coming out of him. “Why would you--?”

Lucifer shook his head at her, his eyes pleading for her to wait.

“I've been thinking.. You never really had a choice, did you?” he whispered, dropping his eyes. “I--I never gave you one”

Chloe furrowed her brows as she snapped her tongue against her teeth. “What?” she repeated, her head feeling light from confusion. “Lucifer--”

“I could have stayed away-- I should have stayed away..”

Chloe closed the distance between them, reaching out her arms to touch him, and feeling nothing but air when he stepped back, shaking. 

“Chloe-- listen to me” 

The use of her name stopped her dead in her tracks. 

“You never had a choice. I tried--I did--I left-- I should have stayed away.. but-but..” Lucifer sounded like a broken record, his mind buzzing with grief and guilt. 

Chloe could see the strain in his body, the rigidness of his back and the dip in his shoulders as they sagged to the ground.

His fingers were white from grasping the glass tightly, and a sharp intake of breath escaped his lips as the glass shattered in his hand, slicing his palm with miniscule fragments of physical relief in the process. 

“You’re bleeding” but her concern was brushed away with a half mumble of disregard. The blood dripped from his hand like ice cream around a cone, gravity pulling it to the ground in crimson swirls of vulnerability. 

Chloe slid her fingers around his wrist and pulled him to the bar with force, grabbing the first aid kit she had stashed there weeks before for emergency purposes. 

Lucifer relaxed in her touch, his whole body melting like chocolate as she pushed him down into a chair to make it easier to pluck out the tiny shards of glass.

She focused intently on his wounds, prodding and cleaning as she went, but couldn’t help but look up at him every now and then in between self soothing breaths. 

His eyes were closed, and he had his lips pressed so tightly together that she had worried he had stopped breathing. “Lucifer” she whispered, as her thumb softly grazed his pulse point while she worked. “Where is this coming from? I thought-- I thought we were in a good place”

Even though she tried to remain calm, her heart thumped heavily against her chest and she was sure he could hear it. She hated how easy it was to read her emotions, right down to the shaking of her voice, and the rapidness of her breaths.

She felt a shift in his position, and she knew without looking up that his eyes were now focused intently on her. She buried herself deeper into her work, being as gentle as possible, while the tears she didn’t want stung behind her eyelids. 

Lucifer quietly waited until she was mostly done before he slid his good hand atop hers. “Stop” he said quietly, but she shook him off, pushing his hand away so she could wrap the bandage on him without a word spoken. “Chloe” he said more forcefully, only to be met with the same reaction from her.

“I saw my Dad”

His bandaged hand pulled away freely as she sat back, sucker punched by this fresh information.

Chloe had a million words running through her mind, but she couldn’t get any of them out.    
Her lips trembled as she tried, but in the end, the only thing she could manage was ‘Why?’

Lucifer’s eyes dropped guiltily. “I wanted forever-- like you had asked for-- but I-- I-” and Chloe’s head shot up, a fragment of her memory replaying their conversation the night previously. 

Understanding washed over her instantly. “That's what this is about?!" She shook her head in disbelief. "I asked you for forever--” and he nodded while she still stitched it all together. 

“But for you--an angel-- forever is infinite.. And I’m human.. I’ll die eventually” Chloe felt immediate guilt.

Lucifer nodded again, but she could see the agony slice across his usually handsome features as he winced at the thought of death taking her.

“Lucifer--You went to your Father because of something stupid that I said while we cuddled?”

“No,” he cried, his bandaged hand shooting out to grab hers. “It’s not stupid. Don’t--please..”

He flinched at the pain, but refused to let go of her hand. Chloe lifted him to her mouth and softly kissed his knuckles as she kept her eyes focused on his. 

“I want to give you forever, Chloe.. That’s why I went there--that's why I was going to ask.. but I was being selfish.. and I couldn't... ”

He groaned with unbridled rage for his Father. “He kept calling me Samael-- and I kept telling him that wasn’t my name.." His thoughts jumbled together incoherently. "But he knew the real reason I was there Chloe… HE KNEW-- and he still--” A jutted sigh ransacked his chest and his words fell into the void. 

Lucifer pulled away from her as he stood back up, his entire body trembling as he tried to regain composure.

“I wanted you to be immortal-- to live like me-- to have forever together--” His eyes bled with despair, everything he was holding back now ready to be set free from its cage.

“But you would never do that. You would never chose that-- and I-- I could never do that to you”

“I--” Chloe tried to comfort him, but Lucifer pleaded with her to stop, to listen. 

“I know you would never leave the Urchin.. Or your friends.. I mourned the loss of my family for so long after I fell-- and I could never bestow that pain onto you.. I could never hurt you like that”

Lucifer buried his face into his hands, rubbing at his temples and creating chaos in the swirls of hair his fingers buried into.

“And then he asked me what you wanted-- if I would give you the choice, even if it meant losing you--” Lucifer crumbled to the floor like a broken doll, falling to his knees like he was praying. 

“That's why you asked if I regretted us? Like I was manipulated by you in some way?” Chloe was shocked, and actually kind of pissed off that God would bear this weight on Lucifer’s shoulders. 

She walked over to him, kneeling down so she could wrap her arms around him, just needing to feel his heat against her. “Lucifer, you _always_ gave me a choice.. “

She shifted herself again so that she was facing him, her hands now resting on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. “I came to you--remember? Every time I had a choice on where I wanted to be-- I chose to be here, with you”

“But--” only it was her time to speak, and she silenced him with a sharp nod. 

“I know that you would let me go if I asked you to Lucifer. Because I know that my happiness and my desires have always been most important to you. But--” Chloe ran her fingers against the stubble of his jaw, “I don’t want to be anywhere if you’re not there too. So you can push me away if you want, but I will keep coming back, Lucifer. I will keep choosing you”

“Detective” he whined, something breaking inside of him, “What if I’m not good enough for you?”

“Don’t let him do this to you Lucifer. You are letting him poison your mind with doubts and fears. Why can’t you see me here, right in front of you, and hold on to that instead? Hold onto us and nothing else”

Lucifer didn't say anything, his guilt and self doubt too blinding. 

Chloe turned away so he wouldn’t have to watch her as she squeezed back the tears blinding her eyes. 

Even turned away, she could still feel the pull of his body so close to hers, and the desire to curl up into his arms was overwhelming. She needed his comfort, as much as he needed hers b ut if they didn’t work this out now, it would always loom over them like a storm cloud.

“You shouldn’t have to settle for less Detective. You deserve so much more”

His voice seemed colder, and when she looked back at him, she could see the change in his demeanor. He was trying to shut down, but Chloe wasn’t going to let him. She pulled herself up so she was standing over him. 

“I can’t give you what you want” He tried again, knowing the words to piece her thick skin. "I can't give you what you ask of me"

“I WANT YOU!” she cried, the control she had tried to maintain, now stripped away in the rawest of ways. Tears streamed down her face as the walls crumbled. “YOU LUCIFER!”

The monster that had been clawing at her heart all day was finally free, and it had crept up into her, curling itself around her very core, pushing all the right buttons until she could no longer hold back.

“I don’t care about forever-- I just want you. I want us”

“BUT I CARE” He cried, pulling himself up from the ground. “I CARE!”

“Why?”

“Because I want it! Because I want you!” Lucifer sucked back a breath. “Because I can’t follow you Chloe-- I can’t--” his chest deflated as the truth lifted off of it. “I don’t want to live an immortal life knowing I would never see you again”

“Oh Lucifer” Chloe could feel his heart breaking underneath his stiff façade. “When I said forever, I didn’t mean for it to come between us like this. It’s just a word-- its-- well-- its indefinitive.. It’s not meant to hold time.. It’s just a promise between two people who love each other..”

“I--” but Lucifer was lost.  “I don’t-- I mean--” but Chloe’s hand on his arm silenced him. 

“I know,” she said softly, before choosing to bury herself against his chest, her need for his closeness driving her more now than ever. “I love you Lucifer. I don’t want anyone else but you. And IF I go to Heaven, your father and I will be having a talk about messing around with things he doesn't understand. He can't expect me to love you, and then give you up without a fight. It's not fair, and I--we-- don't deserve that.”

Lucifer chuckled, his heart feeling lighter than it had all day. Having Chloe in his arms, feeling her love embrace every part of him, just felt right, and he knew he was never going to be strong enough to let her go.

But he also realized, without any more doubts in his mind, that she wasn't going to let him go either, no matter how much he fought against her.

“He offered to make me mortal” Lucifer finally confessed, while nuzzling the top of her head. This was the last piece of the puzzle of this whole exhausting day, and Chloe needed to see it, to know it, so she had the whole picture in front of her. 

For the second time that night, Chloe felt like she had been sucker punched, and she lifted her head from his chest. “He what?”

Lucifer held Chloe out at arm’s length, so she could understand the gravity of it all. “If I became mortal then we-”

“Then you would be changing yourself for me” she interrupted, her brows pinched together tightly. 

Lucifer didn’t understand her anger. “But-”

“No buts Lucifer. I fell in love with  _ you,  _ Lucifer Morningstar, the Devil.”

“Chloe--” 

“What if making you mortal strips you of everything-- you..? What if-- what if your feelings change for me-- what if you die-- there’s just too many variables out there-- “

“That would never happen. I would still be me, only mortal"

“You don’t know that Lucifer! I refuse to let you do this for me. I won't let you change yourself for me. You went to your Dad because you didn’t want to lose me, but I don’t want to lose you either. And maybe forever doesn't mean the same in a human/angel relationship, but that doesn't mean we can't have it. Can’t we just be us-- Lucifer and Chloe, the way we were always meant to be?”

Lucifer was without words. He had felt so torn when he arrived back at home. The agony at even just the thought of losing her had shut him down. His entire body was on edge and nothing he did could take the fear that choked him until he couldn’t breath. 

But then Chloe swept through the room, brightening everything in her path, and somehow, without meaning to, she became the Morningstar--, the Lightbringer. His own personal star shining down on him.

“You really did choose me, didn’t you?”

Chloe rolled her eyes at him. “You know, for someone thousands of years old, you are really clueless sometimes”

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you Detective, but I promise to do right by you, by us, for the rest of your human forever”

“And then some,” Chloe added, before pulling his face to hers so she could finally show him how much she loved him without holding back. 


End file.
